MoviePorn! Everyone knows what it’s like to lust after a fictional character. You see her in a movie or a tv show, and you just can’t get her out of your head. Night after night you dream of fucking her. Maybe she’s Laura Croft from Tomb Raider, with her vivacious body, those beautifully perfect and large but still perky tits. Maybe it’s Harley Quinn, who became every man’s lowkey psycho concubine fantasy after Suicide Squad came out; I guarantee she sucks a mean dick. No inhibitions, no gag reflex, just crazy tongue and throat fucking all night long (just don’t let the Joker find out … we both know you’re no Batman).
Or maybe your fantasies are even more fantastical than that. Maybe you’ve been longing to fuck a Na’vi hoe ever since you saw James Cameron’s Avatar in 2009. Just plug your dick into whatever that thing is that lets them communicate with the trees. Those blue, bioluminescent bitches from Pandora are pretty sexy, I’m not even gonna lie. No shame in that game.
Ever since I was a kid, my personal movie character fantasy has always been Jasmine, the beautiful Sultan’s daughter from Aladin. In fact, Jasmine was responsible for my first boner (at least the first one I remember). I was five and on my first trip to Disney World. My parents took me to one of those breakfast with the characters things. You know, where the actors and actresses all show up and make rounds while you eat shitty, overpriced pancakes and eggs?
After I finished my breakfast, I got to go talk to and get a picture with any characters of my choosing. Well, needless to say, I chose Jasmine without hesitation. My god, she was sexy in that slutty little blue two-piece lingerie number of hers. Aladin was there too, unfortunately, like the massive cock block that he is.
Anyway, when it came time to take the picture, Jasmine stood to my right. She leaned down, got nice and close to me, put her hand on my shoulder, and I could’ve sworn she was gonna stick her tongue in my ear right then and there. Disney and family be damned, Jasmine and I were about to bang it out in front of everyone!
The next thing I knew, I felt the funniest feeling in my pants. It was warm and weird and exhilarating all at once. In short, it was the most amazing thing I’d ever felt. My cheeks went red with confusion. A picture was snapped and that was that. The next thing I knew, Jasmine said, “It was very nice to meet you,” and was off to the next little boy in line. What a little slut.
My point is that movie spoof porn is a necessary and awesome gift to the world. When it’s done well anyway. There are plenty of studios that make spoof porn of our favorite movies, but not nearly as many that do justice to the films (and, more importantly, the characters) that they are meant to pay tribute to.
Quality Over Quantity
Which brings me to a site called movieporn.com. What a delightfully simple name for a site that provides porn based on movies. There’s no forgetting it, that’s for sure. What was the name of that site, again? The one that had porn based on movies? Oh yeah, that’s right, Movie Porn! Easy enough, am I right?
Although they don’t have a spoof of Aladin (yet … I’m really banking on that they’ll make one after Disney drops their new live-action version of the classic ‘90s cartoon), they do have all the other popular movie fantasies I mentioned earlier. All of which, in classic porn fashion, have hilarious spoof titles, too: Suicide Squirt, Porndora, Cock Raider. Then there’s The Matrixxx, Catwhore (Catwoman), The Mummy Princess: Ancient Slut Returns, and Fuck City (Sin City), a really freaky looking It spoof (its less creative title: It is Here), and my personal favorite, Edward Cumminghands.
Pretty cool, right? The only downside of Movie Porn is that the titles I just listed are all of the titles currently available on the site. And, I don’t know about you, but if I’m going to pay money for a porn site, one of the things I normally look for is a huge selection of content. I wouldn’t want to pay monthly for a site that I could easily fap my through the entirety of in one day. And, sadly, that seems to be the case with Movie Porn.
However, when you look at the quality of the videos available on Movie Porn, it becomes immediately clear why there are so few titles to choose from. These are not your run of the mill porn spoofs, my friend. Every single one is extremely well done—the highest quality HD content (up to 2160p!), amazing casting (the hottest chicks in the industry, all of whom actually look a lot like the characters they portray), and incredible cinematography. I mean, seriously, the budget for just one of Movie Porn’s videos is probably equal to that of at least 10 normal studio’s scenes.
Another thing that I really like about Movie Porn’s spoof films is that they don’t spend too much time on exposition. The producers know that we are all familiar with the plots of these movies, so they don’t feel the need to rehash them for their porn. A smart decision, if you ask me. So many spoof movie porn sites spend way too long, it seems, setting up the context before we ever see these sexy heroines getting fucked senseless. Not on Movie Porn, though, they get right down to business.
I’m also fond of the fact that all of Movie Porn’s scenes are shot in a tasteful POV gonzo style (which is surprisingly rare for porno spoofs of movies), allowing you to more fully immerse yourself in the fantasy of actually fucking Laura Croft or Harley Quinn. And that is, at the end of the day, what porn spoofs are all about: getting lost in the fantasy, fucking the impossible. And, in a way, isn’t that really kind of what all porn is about?
Although this tends to result in shorter video lengths (around 10 – 15 minutes each), I am willing to accept it. I mean, if you think about it, a lot of spoof porn scenes out there might be twice the length, but half of it is spent on setting up the context. Which, as I mentioned, is just unnecessary. The actual movies the porn spoofs do that work for us. So why would we need it in the porn version? All we need to see is our favorite characters getting rammed and deepthroating cocks.
Great Porn, Regardless
So, if you are the type who values quality over quantity and you love porn parodies with the sexiest chicks, I think that Movie Porn will definitely be worth checking out. Even if you’re not necessarily a fan of porn spoofs, the quality of the porn in these videos will not disappoint even the shrewdest of pornophiles out there. Maybe you’re not even a huge porn head … if you’ve ever even entertained the idea of getting into cosplay, Movie Porn might be a good place to help you explore that desire a little bit.
You might find yourself a little underwhelmed with the video lengths and the lack of a large library to choose from on Movie Porn, but I think that the quality of the porn assuages that concern. At least for me. Would I be willing to take a slight decrease in quality for a slight increase in quantity? Yeah, probably. But that’s just me. If you don’t mind re-watching the same great quality content, have a few fantasy characters that you can’t stop lusting after, and you have the money to spare, Movie Porn will probably be exactly what you’re looking for.
Add to all of this the fact that the site isn’t trying to sell you on anything but the porn they offer (a surprising number of premium paysites do inundate you with ads), the fact that the site is designed really well and is easy to use, and that everything is appropriately tagged and indexed, making for a great sense of organization, and you have an awesome porn parody site on your hands (as well as, eventually, lots of cum seeing how fucking hot many of the scenes are).
In fact, to call what Movie Porn offers “porn parody” or “porn spoofs” seems like a gross understatement. What they are actually making are Hollywood-level porn adaptations. So, grab some popcorn, sit back, unzip, and enjoy!